Of Pride and Confidence

These past several months have been very lucky for me. I am not sure if I was finally able to cash in some good karma points, but not only do I have an awesome class this year, I also get to work with Ms. B. She is just an amazing, amazing teacher who is always humble and unassuming. I am not certain how she chose me to work with, but I know one thing-my life as a teacher will be forever changed as a result of this work. She has truly pushed-and is pushing- what I knew to be good teaching to the next level. Most people would be happy to accept this gift and move on. But I, however, am the Queen of Overthinking. Did Ms. B choose me to work with this year because I am the one who needed the most help?

Before Ms. B. started working with me in my classroom, I thought of myself to be an above average teacher. Especially when that teaching involved reading and reading workshop. As a child, my grandmother always taught me to not be too prideful...I think I was becoming too prideful with my teaching. Ms. B. and her expertise and finesse came in and burst away all of that hot air...and some of my confidence too. All of a sudden, I was aware that I had A TON of learning to do. Of course, logically, I realize that this is the nature of our teaching profession, that to continue to be successful we must always be learning. Logically, this is also the way that we grow both as people and professionals; we open our hearts and minds to new ideas and methods. Of course I also know that once I open my mind and heart I will truly grow in my own teaching expertise. But I have to admit-it's hard. It's hard to get out from under the weight of my pride and realize my way wasn't the best way. And in my experience, it's when I am struggling with my pride that I allow that little voice of self-doubt to step in. After struggling with this pride for the past few weeks, I think I may be close to its defeat.

It could be that this struggle has been another bit of good luck. Perhaps this is the natural progression of change, to realize you don't know it all, to doubt yourself, to open your heart and mind, and finally, to challenge yourself.